The Light Has a Call That's Hard to Hear

I woke up early this morning feeling rested (what?!), so I decided to take this opportunity to blog.

As most of you know, I struggle with anxiety.  I worry about dinner.  I worry about the cost of college.  I worry about the health of my son.  I worry about my daddy being too stressed.  I worry about my sister being too tired.  I worry if our rental house will rent.  I worry if we will be able to afford our aging dog's very expensive medicine.  I worry about my mama being lonely.  I worry about all of it.  I worry.  

So, as a result, I see a wonderful Christian counselor who's a God-send, and I walk.  I walk outside as much as I can and I listen to music (after I call my mama).  

She's one of my best friends and confidants (and the best florist I know).

My girls also love their KK.

This week, in listening to music I was brought back to a song that I listened to frequently after my second (and very traumatic) miscarriage.  This is the song, Closer to Fine, by the Indigo Girls.  One of the lines says:

Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable

And lightness has a call that's hard to hear.

Isn't that true?  Especially in these days of COVID-19, the darkness IS insatiable.  At least it is for me.  One of my good friends was telling me she was listening to a sermon online, and the preacher said that being in quarantine is similar to the Saturday before Easter Sunday. Jesus was supposed to have risen, but He wasn't (yet).  And it was dark, and scary, and uncertain.  

Maybe that's how you're feeling today.  But, I would encourage you to listen for the soft call of the light.  Granted, it's difficult for me to hear because I have toddlers who are currently doing front flips out of their beds at 6:31 am (insert eye roll), but let's keep listening and keep waiting.  The light's there. It's coming.

One more anecdote I wanted to share.  I'm reading Max Lucado's book on anxiety, which is terrific by the way.  And he reminds his reader that when your car is broken, you take it to the shop, right?  Then, you leave your car and you go home, knowing that the expert will fix it.  You don't take your car to the shop, unfurl your sleeping bag, and stay there, asking questions, biting your finger nails, until it's fixed.

No, you take your worries to the expert and you leave them.  Knowing they're handled.  (My mind was blown.  Not sure 'bout yours).  Are you prayers like that?  Can't say that mine are?  I'll work on that.

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How are the kids these days?  Whew, they're a handful.  Age three is NOT for the faint of heart.  I'll give you an update by kiddo.

Ava:  whew, this child is either going to be a CEO or an FBI agent or wind up in some trouble someday.  She is SO motivated, SO stubborn, and SO insanely observant and smart.  She was reading a book about Paris yesterday with her Daddy.  But, she's also competitive (ahem, can't imagine where that comes from).  The girls were playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos the other day and Ava didn't get any marbles.  She fell into the floor crying because she couldn't win.  This girl has best actress in. the. bag.  

Clara:  Daddy calls her Goofball.  Because she is.  But she also has the temper of Tom Bolton (my daddy).  She has a fire hot temper over the smallest things--I can't wear shorts during a freeze warning?  Tantrum. There's no candy inside this boiled egg?  Tantrum. The nightlight isn't charged completely so it doesn't change colors?  Tantrum.  She's also silly Clara.  She has her own language that no one really understands but everyone loves.

Clara loves doing thumbs up!

L to R:  Ava, Clara, Isabelle, Millie

We call these two sisters (Ava and Clara) Bugs and Daffy.  They are silly and (usually) at odds while being playful.  

This little girl also has a special relationship with Daddy.  

Millie:  Oh my Millie.  At night, after we've put the girls to bed, Millie "reads" from memory books to her sisters and makes sure they can all see the pictures. 

She constantly asks me to "snuggle" and she tells me she loves me all the time.  Lately, though, Millie is having a hard time doing what she's asked, which makes me sad, but I know it's part of the age.  Hopefully, it will pass soon.

Luke:  I know I blogged about Luke last week, but he's such a fun guy (not the mushroom--hut hut).  He loves playing in our big family "bus."  He loves going for walks.  He loves reading and he loves PB&Js.  Since the girls have been watching Tangled NONSTOP, he's also taken to the song, "I Have a Dream."  If you haven't heard it, it's quite catchy.  But I love that he likes it because I want him to have dreams, no matter what disabilities he has.  He can have whatever dreams he wants.  And I'll be there to help him every step of the way.

Lukey and Grandma also have a very special relationship.

Isabelle:  Oh, princess Isabelle.  She is TOTALLY the princess of the crowd. She's always been my baby baby (the youngest of my babies) and she knows it.  But she's got some behavior issues, too.  She takes toys without asking.  She tinkles on herself for attention and she'll refuse just about any request just to see your reaction (Grrrrr).  But, she's my baby, baby.  She makes up these little songs about whatever she's doing.   She says please and thank you without prompting, and she still gives me eskimo kisses when I ask for them.  There's nothing I'd trade for that little diva.