Clear Eyes, Full Hearts

 Good Morning,

I hope you had a restful Labor Day.  

It's been a season of challenges for me.  We all go through seasons of life, don't we?  Calm seasons (well, relatively), exciting seasons, seasons of change, and seasons of challenge.  Welp, it's been my turn at a season of challenge.

Don't misunderstand...I'm not done with this season, but today I have more clarity than most, so I thought I would write.

Hopefully, if we're friends (or even if you're just a human (or dog--Ellie loves this show) who likes good TV), you've seen Friday Night Lights.  If not, please book some time on Netflix and fill your soul.  Soon.  Like--this weekend.  Soon.

The phrase that Coach Taylor teaches his football players is "Clear Eyes, Full Hearts.....Can't Lose."  They repeat this phrase before games, practices, or just before anything important happens.  If you haven't see it, or just want a jolt of inspiration at the beginning of the week, please enjoy.

Whew, feel better already, right?  This morning is the first time in a very long time that I feel as if I have clear eyes and a full heart.  

Anyhoo, I haven't been sleeping well lately (stress, anxiety, planning Christmas in my head, and well, you know...a baby (or two or three) sharing my pillow when they are afraid or just bored).   I think I've started to underrate sleep because I haven't gotten alot of it in say what....the past six years?  But, I digress.

I barely slept at all Sunday night.  As in, I slept 9 pm to 1 am and then I was awake the rest of the night. I worked, I did spreadsheets, I organized my shopping lists, waited for emails on a holiday (which don't happen), I watched some weird Polish show on Netflix, and then eventually I decided it was time for coffee. 

So, as you would expect, yesterday I was all over the place with feelings, stressors, list-making, etc.  

Last night (one night later), I made sure to prepare myself for bed properly and I slept like a baby.  10 pm to 7 am.  Oh my gracious.  My soul is lifted.  My eyes are wide.  The trees seem greener and I'm ready to face the week (maybe.....I think).

But all of this has gotten me thinking about clarity.  Some people pray for clarity.  Some people buy glasses for clarity.  Some people wash windows for clarity.   In thinking about clarity, I remember a story one of my religious studies professors at UVA shared with me.  

When John Kavanaugh, the noted and famous ethicist, visited Calcutta, he was seeking Mother Teresa … and more. He went for three months to work at “the house of the dying” to find out how best he could spend the rest of his life.

When he met Mother Teresa, he asked her to pray for him. “What do you want me to pray for?” she replied. He then uttered the request he had carried thousands of miles: “Clarity. Pray that I have clarity.”

“No,” Mother Teresa answered, “I will not do that.” When he asked her why, she said, “Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.” When Kavanaugh said that she always seemed to have clarity, the very kind of clarity he was looking for, Mother Teresa laughed and said: “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”

Well that hits you right between the eyes, right?  

I know all of us are from different religious backgrounds and trust looks differently for each one of us.  Maybe it is trust in self.  Trust in family.  Trust in the universe.  Or trust in a God-like figure.  No judgment from this gal--you be you.  

For me, it is indeed a trust in God.  But, let's be real.  I stink at it.  My trust is in my lists.  I have master lists for my smaller lists.  I have timelines for my lists.  But at the end of the day, my lists do not love me back nor do they have any responsibility or hope for me.

So whether it's clarity (or trust) that you seek, I think today, with my eyes open wider with the help of sleep, I realize I need to do a better job at asking for what I need--and expecting to receive it.  And knowing I deserve it--always. Most of all, when I don't receive it, I should be able to express to whatever person/entity that this sort of treatment is not acceptable.  

Most of all, I also need to trust myself (and God) that I am worthy of being treated well.  Full stop.

This ranges from the lady on Facebook who doesn't want to sell me her Disney Princess kitchen (that price is ridiculous!) to a service provider for the children who isn't doing a respectable job to a family member who I love dearly, but I know needs to treat me better.

It will be a daily challenge, but I know (at least today) that I'm worth it.

That's all the wisdom I've got today.  Lots of moving parts in my world, as I'm sure in yours.  I hope you find some clarity--or trust--even if just for a moment.  Some silly photos to lift you up.

Girls Day at Ceramics

First Day at Ballet

My face when I lose my lists

My face when I realize what blessings I have