Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Quitters Never Win

As my dad always says, "Quitters never win."  So, as I got "closer to fine," I decided that life must go on.  My niece would have birthdays, Christmas time would come, and friends would continue to grow their families.  Instead of trying to shield myself from the potential pain, I decided to choose joy.  I wanted to celebrate birthdays and new babies and everything in between.  I wanted to choose joy.

Of course there were hard days.  There still are.  I slowly grew out of my anger with God as I realized that He didn't want the miscarriage to happen, and as I lay there in that hospital, He was holding me the whole time.  I decided to let go of that white-knuckle anger in hopes of acceptance.  

Michael and I considered adoption.  We were both open to the idea and we even went down to Texas to meet with an adoption agency. Still, the timing didn't feel quite right, so we decided not to pursue it for the moment.

Christmas of 2015 was especially tough.  I envisioned having a stocking for our unborn baby.  Every decoration, every song seemed to drown my heart into unspeakable sadness.  

We agreed we would take a break from trying to get pregnant and just focus on work and each other.

No comments:

Post a Comment